What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 03:05
(And it was in our own minds.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
How can I get my ex-husband to love me again?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Mauricio Pochettino on Absent Christian Pulisic: 'Players Cannot Dictate the Plan' - FOX Sports
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was 9 years of age.
She was in good health!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I said to her
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Meta Agreed to Pay up for Scale AI but Then Wanted More for Its Money - The Information
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What did i know ?
I was scared of men, in general
So, i spoilt her more .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The Easiest Way to Lower Cortisol, According to a Longevity Expert - Vogue
This is soul school!.
Would this be the day?
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
How do you help patients stop hearing voices?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im still living with it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She wouldn,t have been !
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As i do to all so called friends.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But it wasn’t much.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was very sick at this time too.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But, we were locked up after school.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He resisted the act ,that day.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I think the readers, may guess!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Comes on , in middle age.
We all went to grammer schools
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
And i lived it daily.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I write beautiful poetry .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But ive been too sick for many years..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She married twice! .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Who then, do I blame.?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I waited trembling.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
One cannot live in the past .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I will be 64.
He knew the spot.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I have no regrets .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She found it foreign!.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was seconnd youngest,
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We were not on the streets..
So whats the point in blame.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She loved him until the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Put me off passion for life!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I don,t even have a pension.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
When she asked me how she looked .
Ive learnt so much.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
All the time i was locked up.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Especially a lifetime of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My life is so biszare .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!